well the masters of ‘09 is over and i have the post masters blues. i’m not going to bore all 5 people that read my blog with the details of what happened but will bore you with what should have happened. that’s right! should have happened!

first of all, i should have been invited by someone to the masters! in today’s multi media/technology driven world where i can literally reach thousands of people in the matter of minutes (and believe me, i tried), not one person returned my request for a badge to the masters (they don’t call ‘em tickets at the masters. they call ‘em badges). i sent emails, i twittered, i facebooked, myspaced, myfaced, twifaced and mailfaced!!! get the point? and not one stinking invite! that hoovers!

next, the powers that be (masters committee and chairman billy payne) should let allow the world see the friggin tournament on tv, 24 hours a day! no one can get a badge anymore and no one can get in to see a practice round anymore. most of us have to work, so we can’t watch online coverage when the network is not on air. we have lives billy! we have jobs billy! we have kids and wives billy! we need 24 hour coverage! some of us can’t even afford cable anymore in this obama economy (another blog, another day)! soooooooo, show the doggone masters golf tournament on tv, 24 hours a day by gosh!

cbs. get us pumped up about the final round coverage of the masters! can you imagine the number of people that would throw “masters” parties and get interested in golf if the coverage of the masters was better? the yearly uga/fla football game has “the largest outdoor cocktail party” and “college game day“. the kentucky derby has “churchill downs and the pageantry of the kentucky derby“. for the super bowl you get 6 hours of hipe before the actual game is played. daytona 500, you get to hear darrell waltrip go on for an hour about restrictor plates, lug nuts, hydraulic lifts and whipped cream injectors. but no!!! for the masters, we get to watch how great seve ballesteros was in the 70’s and the 80’s? i mean don’t get me wrong, i feel for the guy and have compassion that he is battling his life with a brain tumor and cancer and i’m sorry. but i’m trying to get pumped up to see the best players on the planet play the greatest golf course on the planet! show seve’s story after the tournament is over when the 10’s of people that want to watch it, will watch it.

what about interviews? unless you camp out on your pc all night or have the golf channel, you don’t get to see what the players are saying! would it hurt you (cbs) to show the highlights of the press tent interviews during coverage at the beginning of the telecast? instead of seve’s story that ends with “he is at home in spain trying to win his greatest test ever, brain cancer”. i mean c’mon, is that going to get you fired up to watch the greatest major of the year? huh? you’ve got to be kidding me! create some drama! create some hype! create some controversy! be creative you bunch of suck ups!

gary player should have had his final tournament at the masters 7 years ago. period.

nick faldo should be playing. nick i don’t care how bad you think you are now. if the previous mentioned guy is playing and 71, you should be teeing it up at 51. nick, your fans want you. i would much rather see you hitting it in the heather and making biurrrrrdies than watching gary player hit his driver only 210 and stabbing at putts for quadruple bogeys!

greg norman should have drank from the fountain of youth and summoned up some 1980/90’s golf heroics. except this time, instead of choking like a ’72 dodge dart on the back nine at augusta, he wins in triumph over all, turns to the tall georgia pines as if calling out the golf gods and yells “you don’t exist you spawn of satan and demons of the deep! i beseech you!”. then as the camera zooms in closer, christine marie evert-lloyd-mills-norman runs out on the 18th green in her wimbledon tennis skirt and leaps into his arms. then, they kiss as the setting georgia sun sets in the west. if you listen closely you can hear the soft clap of bobby jones’ and his spirit lingering in the dusky air as a soft gentle breeze appears. as the credits begin to role and as if you were all caught up in emotion as if watching “an affair to remember”, you hear jim nantz capture the most perfect moment by saying, “the empire state building may be the closest thing to heaven in new york, but here in georgia, as we have witnessed today by the extraordinarily amazing golf and love story for the ages, augusta national and the masters tournament is as close to heaven as you can get. congratulations greg norman! we are so thankful that we get to see you again next year. good night everybody!”